What's more important: Forgiveness or justice?
In Rwanda, I was surprised to discover the answer.
On a rainy evening, we gathered in the cozy dining area of a lakeside eco-lodge in Rwanda. Taking our seats around a long table for the community dinner, I felt awkward at having to spend a four-course meal with a bunch of people I didn’t know. A familiar anxiety, that I’ve known from conference lunches and networking dinners, began to gnaw at me.
Just then, the lodge host appeared to introduce the community dinner. The goal was to encourage connection IRL in our otherwise digital worlds. To break the ice, we could use ‘question cards.’ Each person would draw a card from a deck, and answer the personal or opinion question printed on it.
I quickly learnt that we were sharing the table with folks from Rwanda, Ghana, the UK and the US. As I heard answers to deep questions on joy, family, work and world affairs, the anxiety quietly melted away.
Just before my turn, a young Rwandan woman next to me drew a card. It asked: What’s more important - forgiveness or justice?
Over the past couple of weeks in Rwanda, I had learnt that this may seem like a loaded question for anyone, but it is especially so for a Rwandan, and especially in April.
You see, this April marked 31 years since one of the African continent’s most gruesome genocides - the genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda. In 1994, over a million people of Tutsi ethnicity were murdered in cold blood by their Hutu friends and neighbors. The Tutsi were originally cattle herders, and Hutu farmers; it was possible to move from one social strata to the next. The seeds of hate were systematically sown by the Belgian and German colonists (much like the British colonists sowed them in India), and eventually culminated in rivers of blood across the country.
I suppose our Rwandan friend could feel the silence across the table as she smiled and answered, it depends on the situation. That was a diplomatic response, but the question haunted me until my visit to the Kigali Genocide Memorial the following week.
The early sections of this incredible museum examined the events leading up to the genocide, then humanized the senseless deaths of families, parents, siblings, children, farmers, musicians, teachers, dreamers. All ordinary friends and neighbors. It introduced ubumuntu - the courageous souls who selflessly risked their lives to help / rescue the prosecuted. Two haunting rooms in the museum were filled with the names and photos of those who lost their lives in the genocide. The number exceeded 1,000,000.
All along, I kept asking myself, how do you move forward after something like that? Aren’t you filled with hate, the desire for revenge, the need to retaliate?
I was surprised to discover the answer.
In the years since 1994, Rwanda adopted a unique approach to retribution and reconciliation. Community courts, called gacaca, were set up across the country, where families of those who perished met those responsible. Remember these were friends and neighbors. Truth was spoken, traumas were revealed, sometimes apologies followed. This is how social healing began (and continues).
Those found guilty were sent to prison. But after serving half their term, they could apologize to the families of those who perished, and serve the second half through community service - which involved building houses for the very families they had destroyed.
Drawing parallels to things happening in my own country and around the world, the question revisits me often: What’s more important - forgiveness or justice?
Conscious recommendations
Meaningful travel ideas, eco-friendly finds and worthwhile opportunities, as well as articles, books and films that’ve inspired me.
Travel:
I started writing this newsletter on a do-nothing day in Entebbe. After a month in Kigali, we spent two weeks travelling across Uganda - meeting the famed wild gorillas, swimming in a stunning crater lake, experiencing long bus journeys in the country (it comes with scary warnings!), spotting lions and giraffes in the stunning savannah, and eating a lot of katogo - Uganda’s accidentally vegan national dish featuring plantains, potatoes and beans.
If you ever find yourself in East Africa, here are some essential recommendations:
Rwanda
Nyamirambo Women’s Centre: A community tourism initiative owned by Rwandan women, mostly single moms with few other avenues for earning an income. Their walking tour, Rwandan food cooking class, and motorbike tour led by women guides are all worth doing.
UMVA Muhazi: An eco-lodge on the shores of the stunning Lake Muhazi, built with rammed earth and glass. I loved kayaking on the open waters and their signature community dinners.
Uganda
Bwindi Impenetrable Forest: Uganda’s Bwindi Impenetrable Forest is home to 459 of the world’s 1063 endangered mountain gorillas - and gorilla tracking permits here cost half of what they do in Rwanda. We travelled with Mission Africa Safaris, spotted a family of 14 gorillas, and learnt a ton from our guide about gorilla conservation.
Murchison Falls National Park: I’ll never forget the feeling of driving through the vast African savannah under a pastel blue sky in the incredibly beautiful Murchison Falls National Park, spotting giraffes, antelopes, elephants, cape buffaloes, hippos and a lioness waking up from her slumber! We stayed at Murchison River Lodge, built with thatched grass roofs, powered by solar, fed by sand-filtered Nile water, where hippos roam free at night. An unforgettable experience.
Books:
I went on long bus journeys and out of connectivity last month on the road - which meant reading more with less distraction!
The Art of Living: In an earlier newsletter, I told you about the life-changing Buddhist psychology retreat I attended. One of their recommended resources was The Art of Living, written by the revered Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hahn. I got the audiobook, listened to it while on long bus rides and thoroughly enjoyed the ideas it dwells on. Like the retreat, it reminded me to shed my ‘solid’ sense of self, and seek joy by being more present. It’s one of those books I hope to keep going back to, especially when the going gets hard.
Marginlands: I’ve been following environmentalist Arati Kumar-Rao’s powerful work for a while, and finally got my copy of her book Marginlands. It’s been beautiful, inspiring, sobering and depressing to journey through India’s stunning landscapes, meet the communities that have been living in harmony with them, and hear about half-baked policies and the impacts of climate change that are changing our rivers, mountains, deserts and living cultures forever. An intense, essential read.
Belonging: I’ve long sought out books by local authors wherever I travel, and since English is one of the official languages in Rwanda (alongside Kinyarwanda and French), it’s been heartening to find a whole treasure trove of books by Rwandan authors. I read a light fictional read rooted in reality, called Belonging by Christine Warugaba - where the lead character navigates returning home to Kigali after a long stint in New York, and despite being a successful entrepreneur, is compelled to hire a fake boyfriend to resist the pressure of marriage!
Check out:
Suyatri, a community tourism organization working with rural communities across Karnataka, is hiring a marketing pro for outreach efforts among conscious travellers. If you believe in grassroots development and sustainable tourism, this might be the role for you (or someone you know). See more details and apply here - the position is still open as of May 26th.
We launched a monthly email newsletter for (aspiring) travel storytellers at The Shooting Star Academy. Read this month’s edition: The Secret Ingredient to Growing Your Travel Career - or share it with someone who dreams of building a life of travel.
My stories elsewhere
Stories I’ve written recently, as well as social media posts I’d love for you to check out.
Blog:
What I Learnt From an Indigenous Shaman in the Amazon Rainforest: Before we walked into the forest with Don Victor, a shaman from the Indigenous Ese Eja community, he said he wanted us to try something.
Do we Need to Reconsider Our Flying Guilt? As someone who often finds herself struck by flying guilt, I'm learning that the idea of flying - or not flying - is a lot more complex.
Non-Touristy Things to do in Cusco to Truly Connect With the City: Local neighborhoods, Indigenous-led enterprises, women-owned restaurants, community homestays, local markets and the city’s coolest cafes.
How I Used HomeExchange to Experience Europe Like a Local: I woke up to light-filled mornings, made a smoothie in the fully equipped kitchen and drank it on the balcony, listening to French lounge music.
Instagram:
We went gorilla tracking in Uganda, and this is what happened
I don’t obsess over hooks or try to go viral with every reel
The tiny European country with no train station and no airport
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Hello Shivya & all. I presume we’re looking at the question of Forgiveness v Justice. Well I was at a workshop called “The Wounded Healer” that was run by a Native American Indian or people of the First Nation, & I was introduced to this video where a mother forgives the murderer if her only child:
https://youtu.be/L1F6AVCon7k?si=Y_ukZQ_KBQw4Znoa
This story helped me learn to forgive at some of the most difficult times. However sometimes the numbers like more than a 1,000,000 Tutsies murdered in Ruanda is a hard one to fathom as to how deep hatred & cruelty is embedded inside us humans🙏🏾
I love that you end this post with an open question, Shivya. This topic is very near and dear to my heart, so thank you for sharing this. I had only heard of the South African truth and reconciliation commission, hadn't known Rwanda had done this hard, loving experiment too.