The rainbows I chase.
There is nothing about them that can be grasped.
On a rainy winter day, I forced myself to get out of my warm bed to join nearly 30 strangers for the ‘Chasing Rainbows’ retreat. The first ask by our facilitator - psychologist and Buddhism practitioner Dr Nivedita Chalill - was to arrive at a common ask: Why were we there, what did we want from these five days?
Clarity of thought / purpose was the unanimous answer we quickly arrived at.
On the one hand, I felt a sense of belonging for not being the only one constantly floating in the jumbled mess of my mind. But on the other, I wanted to call out the absurdity of the ask. Can we humans ever really have clarity of thought and purpose?
Over the next few days, I did many things, some excitedly, some reluctantly: Sketched my ‘river of life,’ felt negative emotions stiffen my body, learnt to call out my judgmental mind, delved deeper into the idea of impermanence, debated new concepts with a smaller group, discovered the relevance of Buddhism’s 4 Noble Truths to everyday life, and thought about all the stories I’ve been telling myself.
Among other things, I identified overthinking as my pattern. No prizes for guessing, but travelling - and the constant need for newness - emerged as a rainbow I’ve chased pretty much all my adult life. Chasing itself is not a bad thing, I can still hear Nivedita say, but can we see our rainbows for what they are?
When a rainbow appears vividly in the sky, you can see its beautiful colors, yet you could not wear it as clothing or put it on as an ornament… there is nothing about it that can be grasped.
~ Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.
On our last morning together, the sun gently filtered into the room, as I sat among the same ~30 people, who felt less like strangers and more like comrades now. On a postcard, each of us wrote reminders we’d like to read a few months later. I vigorously scribbled the words I most wanted to cling to from the retreat. I noted the deeper purpose behind the rainbows I chase. I wrote emptiness in bold - the idea that the ‘self’ exists but is constantly changing, that the stories I tell myself are just stories. If I could ever have clarity of thought, this was it.
Each of us read aloud our postcards. Then in an unexpected twist, we were asked to gift our postcard to the person sitting next to us. A befitting exercise in impermanence.
Conscious recommendations
Meaningful travel ideas, eco-friendly finds and worthwhile opportunities, as well as articles, books and films that’ve inspired me.
Travel:
This week, I leave for France and Andorra for travel assignments, and plan to slow travel through East Africa after that. If you have recommendations, please send them my way!
Deer Park Institute: A Buddhist monastery turned learning center, Deer Park holds short term (3 days-3 weeks) courses that bridge spirituality and the arts. Besides ‘Chasing Rainbows,’ I’ve done an introspective writing workshop led by Vidya Rao, a documentary workshop with an Iranian filmmaker, and a Nature Cure retreat centered on the idea of healing through nature and food. Courses are donation-based, and many of them offer life-altering perspectives.
Books:
I recently had a great streak with books, and read 4.5 in just the last month!
Climate Capitalism: Written by Bloomberg journalist Akshat Rathi, the book explores why we don’t have enough time to transform our energy, transport and agricultural systems AND our economic system aka capitalism. Through in-depth case studies, he explores how capitalism itself could help fix the climate problem. One of the best books I’ve read on the subject, though I would’ve loved a bit more nuanced perspective on the challenges of the technologies and policies highlighted.
Before the Coffee Gets Cold: A simple, bizarre, heartwarming novel set in a cafe in Tokyo, written by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. I borrowed it from a friend’s library, speed-read it, and felt some sort of lightness when I finished it. I’m not sure I’ll read others in the series though.
Steal Like an Artist + Show Your Work: I’m so glad a friend gifted me Austin Kleon’s bestselling trilogy on creativity. These square-shaped books have only a few words per page, but they pack in a punch, drawing from the words, routines and creative hacks of other writers and artists. It’s like a much-needed pep talk from someone who has gotten to the bottom of what being a writer entails.
Checkout:
HomeExchange: I recently signed up on HomeExchange (both out of curiosity and collaboration), and am super excited to try it out in Europe. What started out as a house swapping platform has evolved to allow more flexibility. While we need to upload our own house on it for verification, hosting is not mandatory. Instead of hosting someone while I travel, I can offer my hosts ‘guest points’ on the platform, which they can then use to stay in someone else’s house wherever they go on holiday! There’s a membership fee involved, but after paying it, I could accumulate guest points by finishing my profile, so my first exchange in Europe cost only 40 rupees for 5 nights :O I’ll report back on this goes, but so far, it feels like the good old days of travelling.
My stories elsewhere
Stories I’ve written recently, as well as social media posts I’d love for you to check out.
Blog:
10 Days in Japan: An Immersive Japan Itinerary for First Time Visitors
Questions I Don’t Want to Ask Myself at 37 (Disclaimer: I wrote this before the Chasing Rainbows retreat)
Instagram:
I’m 37, and I’m not ashamed to admit…(finally a trend I love)
A conscious getaway from Mumbai/Pune to reset your mind (experimenting with a new storytelling style)
When I set out for my usual walk (in Himachal), I felt angry
We came to Himachal for 2 months and stayed for almost 2 years. What happens next?
Stay in touch
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The twist in the end was unexpected and a little annoying indeed!