The Last Sunset
The new year is a time to reset. But do we know what holds us back, and what drives us?
On the morning of 31st December 2022, my partner and I got dropped off at one of the world’s oldest, continuously inhabited monasteries - St Catherine, at the foot of Mount Sinai in Egypt.
After some peace, awe and ancient biblical tales, our mission was to hike up Mount Sinai - Egypt’s second highest mountain - where Moses is believed to have received the Ten Commandments.
I had never planned to spend the last day of the tumultuous yet grounding year that was 2022, hiking up nearly 7500 feet with Ahmed, our Bedouin guide, but life has its ways (it started as a way to escape the worst travel season in Goa, and turned into a special project - more on that soon). As I put one foot in front of the other, following Ahmed’s flowing white robe up the steady incline of the mountain, the magnificent desert landscape slowly revealed itself. At every curve, layers of brown, desolate, wind-beaten hills came into view, shaped by centuries of wind and water. Huge rocks, sometimes shaped like the moon and sometimes like fish, lay on the sides of the path.
We were lucky enough to see no one for miles, since most people (sometimes 500+ at a time) hike up this holy mountain to witness the sunrise. In the silence of the desert, my mind gradually stopped its incessant chatter. Amid the stark landscape, I slowly began to unpack 2022. The lingering limbo of the pandemic, the surreal month I lived on the remote Robinson Crusoe Island, the turbulence of the time after I returned from Chile, the unlikely yet pertinent decision to stop travelling full time (after 7 years on the road!), and the pivot to work with the tourism industry on their sustainability journey through Climate Conscious Travel.
Bits and pieces of the past 12 months started to fit in like pieces of a puzzle.
It hit me that even though I’d dreamt up some powerful work projects in 2022, I’d never gotten past the ideation or initial stages. Somewhere on my laptop, the outline of my second book was rotting away in a hidden folder. Somewhere in my email drafts, I had saved a research proposal but never hit send. What was holding me back?
As we started the last part of the climb, up 750 rocky steps, I stopped to catch my breath and take in the sprawling desert beneath me. Stark and stunning, with not a hint of green. I could feel the strong afternoon sun even through my hat, and drops of sweat began to form beneath my layers despite the cold.
We made it to the top of Mount Sinai with over an hour before sunset. A large church and small mosque sat next to each other, with the shared “cave of Moses” below. On a large rock with a 360 degree panorama of the desert, we sat in utter silence - exhausted from the hike and awed by the landscape.
Sitting 7500 feet above the world with a quiet mind, the answer slowly occurred to me. What had held me back in 2022 was the lack of self esteem.
Being on the road long term is such a humbling exercise. You meet such incredible mountains, forests, oceans and people, that you realize you’re nothing but a speck in the world. That feeling is etched in my heart.
But as I geared for a professional pivot in 2022, that feeling gnawed its way into my mind. Despite my drive, I felt stuck in a perpetual cycle of low self esteem, unable to pitch my ideas publicly or push beyond the ideation stages.
I’d fumbled around in search of clarity for months. Now, as the clouds rolled in and cast a surreal glow in the sunset sky, I could finally see the light. I figured out what I needed to do to unblock myself.
The new year is a time to reset, but it can be so much more powerful if we can figure out just how we need to reset. If we know what holds us back, and what drives us.
How do you plan to reset in 2023?
January recommendations
Meaningful travel recommendations and eco-friendly finds, as well as articles, books and films that’ve inspired me.
Travel: This is perhaps one of the only times (ever) that we can experience Sri Lanka’s stunning tropical winter, minus the crowds. Even though the country has been recovering from the economic crisis of 2022, tourism is still in shambles. This is a message from Sri Lankan friends, and I highly recommend travelling there in January or February for its incredible nature, food and people (I’ve already been thrice!).
If you go, stay at Galkadawala - a rustic, upcycled, off-the-grid retreat; Gal Oya Lodge - an eco-luxury lodge at the edge of a forgotten national park with swimming elephants (yes!); and Madulkelle - eco-friendly glamping in the midst of Sri Lanka’s stunning hill country!
Read: The best book I read in 2022 was Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking by Susan McCain. As an introvert, I’ve repeatedly been told that I’m too quiet, shy and anti-social, and that I must change my ways. Susan McCain delves deep into the introvert-extrovert spectrum, looks at the scientific basis of our personalities, and suggests strategies to cope as an introvert in a world that rarely understands us. It’s a life-changing read if you identify as an introvert, or know someone who’s rather quiet.
Try: I’ve made several switches to zero waste products over the last few years - bamboo toothbrush, soap and shampoo bars, reusable cutlery, bamboo straws etc. But it’s been a struggle to find a zero waste toothpaste that doesn’t taste like salt, charcoal, or mud! After many failed attempts to switch to something that’s not laden with chemicals and doesn’t come out of a single-use plastic tube, I’m so happy to have Nature Mason’s Peppermint toothpaste tabs (you can also order directly on Instagram). They explode with flavor while brushing, and foam up like a regular toothpaste! The little metal boxes can be reused for keeping soap, kitchen products or small accessories.
My stories elsewhere
Stories I’ve written recently, as well as social media posts I’d love for you to check out.
Stories:
The Washington Post: Travelling in Chile is a real-time lesson on the ravages of climate change. Excited to share that this story is a finalist for The Bessie Awards in the "most impactful piece of travel writing" category!
Our Better World: A Himalayan homestay that’s an ark for rural empowerment. My first “community storytelling” piece - i.e. the story was partially written (translated) and photographed by two rural storytellers. Each of us got paid the same rate per word!
Lonely Planet: Central America's most sustainable stays.
Blog:
Instagram:
Meeting the Bangrong community of Phuket (and their inspiring community-based tourism initiative)
Hiking with a female high-altitude guide (and why it’s still a rarity in the tourism industry)
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Hi Shivya - This was wonderful. So grateful to see the world through your eyes. The best form of art reflects the inner voice of human beings much better than they themselves can. I have just been coming to grips with issues of low self esteem and I could resonate with everything you talk about in this article. Every time i doubt myself before taking a huge leap of faith this year - I will remember what the mountains and the deserts taught you! Thanks for writing this!
Oh that was nice to read. For someone who, from where I stand is out there doing things , it came as a surprise and at the same time not. I'm a coach so I hear it a lot. Since 2020 Oct been setting myself free. It's working. Every year since, have taken up one major area - relationships 2021, sale marketing finance 2022, being consistent persistent planned disciplined 2023. So far it's working. The self doubt comes and goes. Lacks the intensity of the past. Lots of travel planned this year. Vancouver - daughter, Kazakhstan- Ironman and lots of trips to the coast of Andhra - ironman practice. If I manage to buy my motorcycle then several weekend trips from Hyderabad. Year end planning a trip with the guys - road trip to somewhere from Gurgaon. Feel free to recommend.
Good luck with whatever comes next for you. Take care. I've see people always do end up exactly where they want to be.